For Lent I’m just giving up in general
hey guys, the krusty krab 2 opens today!
I had a really small period and I was like “maybe I just miscarried a tiny fetus” and then I realized I haven’t had sex since Columbus landed in the Americas
I realize this sounds like I fucked Columbus. I want to clarify. Just so there’s no confusion, I did. I did fuck Columbus.
apparently in holland they were trying to do the world record for the longest domino chain and then a bird came in an knocked 23,000 of them over… then they shot the bird and got fined because it was an endangered species. if one story has described my life as much as this story has, i’d like to hear it.
do you ever just listen to someone’s problem and you have nothing to say except “I’m sorry” because there is literally no way for you to help and you get sucked into a vortex of guilt and despair because you are useless
does anybody else legitimately worry about how they’re going to share a bed with their partner when they’re older? like buddy i need all the blankets to make a burrito and then i need to throw them off of me dramatically in the middle of the night and lie spread-eagled across the entire bed how is this going to work
six word autobiography: “fuck goddamnit i fucked up so bad”
guys i specifically made that sentence seven words long so someone could comment “but thats seven words” and i could say “fuck i did it again i fucked up” so we could all have a good laugh but no one said it. yall fucked up. i fucked up because i assumed yall wouldnt fuck up. everythings fucked up
Sunday nights are the worst you go to bed with that horrifying feeling of impending doom like “I’ve got a whole fucking week ahead”
bout to go whoop college board’s ass